Variable Normal

The notion of 'normal' has some fundamental flaws in it when it is applied to one's life. Comments about 'normal' as it applies to one's life abound. For example, "Life is anything but normal right now!" or "I can't wait until things get back to normal." or "I will do such-and-such when my routine is normal again." What is 'normal'?

Most would agree that the word normal is used to indicate that there are no life changing events occurring currently. Therefore tomorrow is expected be somewhat like today at least circumstantially and/or emotionally. Or, it would not be risky to plan an event sometime in the future expecting that circumstances will not change significantly. There are key words in the above such as 'emotionally' and 'circumstances' that give clues of where the notion of 'normal' fails in life.

Circumstances and emotions are forever changing and cannot be predicted with any certainty. So, why would we expect them to remain the same over any length of time?

There is a sense of security when we can predict our future. No doubt that comes from a desire to control something in the future that we feel we control today.

So far, 'normal' means there is a desire to predict the future and a desire to control the present.

The other side of 'normal' is an act of acceptance. When we feel things are normal, there is an implicit acceptance of the way things are. There is a sense of comfort or being 'at rest' during times of normalcy. The acceptance and comfort emerges from having learned how to act and what to do under 'normal' circumstances. The circumstances may be very pleasurable or painful but the word 'normal' is applied to indicate our understanding and acceptance of the way things currently are.

So, in addition to 'normal' including prediction and control as behavioral actions, there is a secure emotional acceptance included as well.

What happens when the unexpected occurs? What happens when we feel that things are not normal?

When our understanding of 'normal' fails, we loose prediction, control and the stability of emotional acceptance. What typically happens is the core of the problem of the notion of 'normal'. What we most often do is 'put our life on hold' while we try to change the circumstances or while we wait until the circumstances to get back to what we know as 'normal'.

But, what if circumstances do not or cannot be changed? What follows is a period of discomfort or pain until we learn how to deal with the new current circumstances and learn what the implications are of the future so we can, again, accurately predict.

The problem with a typical reaction is that it is just that ... a reaction. It is a period of dismay, confusion, possible depression, anger and the rest of how we react to things that are not comfortable or controllable. This type of reaction makes responding disorganized, counterproductive and most importantly emotionally draining for us and those around us. If the circumstances are an illness, the emotional drain will suppress the immune system to further complicate things by compromising our ability to get well or fight the disease.

So, what is the alternative?

The idea of a 'variable normal' is to perceive and treat changes as a new normal as of that day, hour or moment. It is the idea of living life by the moment but includes much more.

A 'variable normal' includes an expectation that we will immediately attempt to understand the full implications of the changes and proceed at once to learn how to deal with the new circumstances.

The key to a 'variable normal' is to treat new circumstances as an acceptable, manageable state. This puts us back in control as we go about learning how to deal with new circumstances and integrate them into our lives.

Perhaps the most difficult part of change is the unknown. We cannot possibly know what will occur as a result of change. The irony is that what will occur can never be known but the failure of the notion of normal implies that we can know.

This presents two huge hurdles to clear. One is to treat discomfort and/or pain as an acceptable and manageable state and the other is the ability to live a full life in the midst of holding the unknown in our consciousness.

It seems counter to everything that we have learned to treat discomfort and/or pain as an acceptable and manageable state. However, the opposite response would only be debilitating and increase the discomfort and pain. The idea of acceptance here is not necessarily to 'tolerate' but to see change as a part of life that has happened, is happening and will happen. This avoids denial and moves us into the managing state.

Acceptance not only avoids denial but also diminishes the negative impact on emotions and reduces the psychological trauma on the body.

Another dynamic of this that helps us is that as we accept things as a part of life and reconsider how to handle new circumstances it not only leads more quickly to being back in control but also gives us confidence in handling future changes because we are expecting them.

'Variable normal' means that we are constantly monitoring circumstances for changes that we know will occur and to treat those changes as a normal part of life. Furthermore, we will accept the changes as normal and thoughtfully sort out what we can manage and what will be the unknown that we must hold in our consciousness until the unknown reveals itself at which time can be managed.

There have been a lot of references to 'managing' changes. It is probably more important to see management of changes as an act of emotion than it is an act of behavior. This is why acceptance is so important. Acceptance goes hand-in-hand with an optimum emotional state. There is just as much, if not more, personal control associated with emotion than there is associated with circumstantial resolution. The fact is we 'feel' in control or not. Control is an emotional state before it manifests itself in physical change.

Accepting 'normal' as a fluid variable part of life prepares us to live life to the fullest at all times as we become clearly aware of the changing circumstances of our life and feel confident in responding to them.

This Moment

This is about my response to my body and the world around me. This is about being aware and present to all things. This is about personal choice.

There is a wave of awareness and emotion that is in constant motion over time. The wave goes up and down and sometimes it is flat for awhile. At its highest, I am euphoric. At its lowest, I am in gut wrenching despair. Sometimes it goes higher than ever before or lower than ever before setting new personal records.

Sometimes the wave is heavily influenced by physical conditions of my body or with my circumstances. However, the vast majority of time, I am not aware of my body nor am I aware of the circumstances in which I find myself. Most of the time, I am focused on some mental plan or task or just relaxing. Rarely am I aware of the wave.

There is a way of being present and in the moment that defies the meaning of the wave. Consider a line that is tangent to the curve of the wave. The line would determine the slope of the wave at any given moment in time. However, consider the fact that, the point at which the line touches the wave is only one point. That is a point in time. That point does not have a slope to it. That point is merely a fixed moment in time. That point is not relevant to the wave or slope. It is as if, once the point is defined by the line, the wave and line disappear and all that is left is a point. It is a point of presence. It is a point of awareness. And, at that point, since it is fixed, it is not going up or down nor is it relevant to where it is on the wave.

Now consider the current point in time. Forget history or future. Concentrate on just this moment in time. Am I happy or sad? Are the circumstances good or bad? There is no way of telling what I ‘should’ be feeling or experiencing if I am not aware of where, on the wave, I am. Since there is no way of telling what emotions I would normally be having, there is an opportunity to choose the emotions for this moment in time.

There is a sense of complete and utter freedom when being present to only this point of time. If there are no critical physical influences, internal or external, then the choice of emotion is open for this moment of time. I can choose to be aware of positive things that exist in this moment in time or I can choose to be aware of negative things that exist in this moment in time.

If I choose to be aware of positive things, I will be happy in this moment of time. I may even feel joy just because I have the choice. The opposite is also true.

When I look at others, I see people that are happy by nature and I see people that are unhappy by nature.

The difference is the choice they are making in this moment in time.