Choosing an Outcome

There is a far more effective method of determining a desired outcome than simply positive thinking. The problem with just 'thinking' positive is that the method is limited to finding positive facts or views of a particular circumstance. That can be limiting because it only involves orientation to the circumstance. There is a much more powerful method. Visualize, choose, expect and then proceed. Repeat until success.

Each event we experience has far more possible outcomes than our first expectation. Even when the outcome seems certain, that is only a more specific expectation. The outcome is rarely guaranteed because there are forces that are beyond our awareness. These forces are not necessarily mystical or spiritual although they can be. Some forces may be simply related simultaneous events that we are not aware of. There are also influences that we do not have direct control over but can activate to influence the outcome.

Our immune system is an example of an influence that we can activate. It is part of our personal involvement that needs to be considered. We must consider not only the impact of our direct response, but also the impact of our capabilities that we indirectly control. For example, when expecting a specific outcome of an illness, our mental and emotional response will influence our immune system.

The objective is to consider the widest possible range of outcomes when choosing a response to an event. In fact, the goal is to consider all possible outcomes even those that seem improbable or impossible. When all possibilities are included, seemingly impossible outcomes may look different in the context of all imagined outcomes.

The method is to visualize all possibilities, choose the outcome that we want and then proceed expecting that outcome. This is particularly important when the outcome we want is a minor probability because statistics do not control outcomes. The forces that come to bare determine outcomes. So, how can expecting an outcome cause forces to determine that outcome?

There is a natural organization that occurs in our mind when we expect an outcome. The first thing that happens is an emotional response. That will influence and be followed by a logical organization to prepare our body to respond. This is where the dynamics are not fully understood but are clearly measurable. Our emotions affect seemingly involuntary parts of our body like the immune system. Our entire body and all of its components start working together to produce the expected outcome.

We determine an outcome by proceeding based on the details of our expectation. There is an emotional, rational, physical and perhaps a spiritual organization that all interact to become a perfectly tuned organism to produce the expected outcome. The details and power that come together are beyond our comprehension. The body, mind and spirit are so intertwined that the connections are countless and the resultant force cannot be predicted.

There is a ripple effect that can multiply the forces that come to bare. As we work out the details of our expectation, that process can impact related circumstances and people around us. Impacted people may acquire our vision from observation and support or be active in working out a wider circle of circumstances which impact more related circumstances and people around them. In this way, the forces that come to bare on our desired outcome can grow exponentially.

People that are included can expand the range of possibilities, accelerate the ripple affect, validate our choices and help work out the details. Other people are powerful resources many reasons. For example, experience is the best ingredient for success so learning from other's experience is invaluable. Also, fine tuning or validating our vision will give confidence that is a powerful force in success.

The method is not complicated beyond the effort in considering all possibilities. After visualizing all possibilities, choose the desired outcome and then proceed without reservation to work out the details leading to and following that expectation. If circumstances change, then repeat the method.

Repeating the method is critical for success. This is because as time goes on, circumstances do change and that, in turn, changes the set of all possibilities. When circumstances change, is it important to reestablish a new range of all possibilities and then choose the most desired outcome from the new range. Thus, the method is repeated, as many times as necessary, moving ever closer to the most desired outcome.

Visualize, choose, expect and then proceed. Repeat until success.

Ultimately, repeat until the method becomes a life-style for success.

A Response to Cancer

The diagnosis is a moderately aggressive prostate cancer. The treatment involves two preparatory procedures and then forty-two radiation treatments 25 miles away. The question that arises is how to respond to the diagnosis and the following treatment.

Approach

A Harvard study was conducted with a class of students after graduation. The graduates were followed for 10 years. The information about the graduates was then collected. The graduates were split into two groups which were successful and unsuccessful based on their goals and the achievement of those goals. The two groups were studied with respect to what common behaviors were shared within each group but were different than the other group’s behaviors.

It was found that, when the ‘unsuccessful’ group encountered a challenge, they concentrated in how to get around the challenge or how to eliminate the challenge, etc., treating the challenge as an obstacle to be dealt with. However, when the ‘successful’ group encountered a challenge they immediately studied the challenge to explore ways in which they could change the challenge into a benefit to them.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to find ways to benefit from this experience.

Imaging

There is a process of ‘imaging’ that has produced remarkable results. We know that stress and/or pain depresses the immune system compromising one’s health. Conversely, a positive attitude can strengthen the immune system supporting one’s health. So, how can one move from stress to a positive attitude.

When the stress or pain is visualized as a substance or object, it can be dissipated. For example, suppose there is a particular pain from a mending broken bone. If that pain is visualizes as an object such as a red ball or fire within or some vivid image, then that visualization of that image can be ‘moved’ out of the body into the front of the body where it can be examined more closely. The subject then examines how the object or substance can be changed such as moving the object or substance up and away from the body. This process or variations of it has been very successful in reducing stress and pain. The process can move negative energy out and away from the body.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to visualize the general stress of the circumstances and move that energy out and away from the body.

Healing

Imaging is also effective with what is happening within the body. Visualizing the process of healing can enhance the body’s ability to heal. Our bodily systems take queues from what we are thinking and act on them. The negative direction of this process has been well documented. A severely negative attitude can actually lead to physical maladies. Hence, a strongly positive attitude is likely to lead to enhancing the immune system to improve physical health and a good outcome.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to imagine the immune system operating at the highest level of function killing cancer cells and nourishing healthy cells.

Activity

Like imaging, a difficult activity can be changed enough to be a positive activity. Treatment of the referred to cancer will involve forty-two trips to Salinas. That’s an hour a half a day in the car. There are a number of activities one could engage while driving. For example, there are books on tape one could listen to. One could listen to a course in learning a new language. One could use a cell earbud and support someone going through difficult times or just connect with friends and relatives. Or, it would be therapeutic to dictate into a cell phone or tape recorder a journal of the experience of treatment and whatever else is going on in life during that period.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to use the time in the car productively. I think I will listen to books on tape or possibly inspirational tapes.

Attitude

There are a number of possible outcomes to cancer treatment. Looking forward to the outcome that is preferable accomplishes several things. Firstly, it puts the body into a less stressed and more positive orientation supporting the process and healing. Secondly, choosing to embrace a positive attitude will support new positive ideas to positively influence the entire process. Thirdly, regardless of the actual outcome, the process will be more pleasant to get through with a positive attitude.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to consider this period as a learning experience and one that will yield many benefits.

Spirituality

Engaging in prayer, meditation, etc., will take the focus off one’s self and put one at peace with whatever the focus is of the practice. The more peace one experiences, the easier it will be to practice positive orientations.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to possibly try to meditate while driving … that is, to take deep breaths, feel the body relax while being fully present to mindful driving.

Exercise

Exercise has powerful benefits. It not only improves the overall health of the body but also improves the function of the brain by increased circulation. The most difficult part of exercise is getting off the sofa in whatever form that takes. It is useful to know the road blocks to find a way around them. One thing that helps is to see beyond the exercise and visualize the benefit. That may be enough to transform mental energy into physical energy.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to exercise or add to the exercise routine to be confident that the body and mind is assisted in managing the entire experience.

Diet

Diet goes hand in hand with exercise. The body needs good dietary resources to support activities and mental acuity.

So, the response to the cancer and treatments is to look at the current diet and see if there are improvements that can be implemented.

Life-Style

Each one of the above topics has the potential of transforming the treatment period from a negative experience into a positive experience. From a broader perspective, this cancer has the potential to move a Life-Style in a very positive direction. Any part of the above is useful and all of it can change one’s energy and outlook on life.

So this cancer journey started out as a daunting challenge and ended up as a potentially positive life changer.

Variable Normal

The notion of 'normal' has some fundamental flaws in it when it is applied to one's life. Comments about 'normal' as it applies to one's life abound. For example, "Life is anything but normal right now!" or "I can't wait until things get back to normal." or "I will do such-and-such when my routine is normal again." What is 'normal'?

Most would agree that the word normal is used to indicate that there are no life changing events occurring currently. Therefore tomorrow is expected be somewhat like today at least circumstantially and/or emotionally. Or, it would not be risky to plan an event sometime in the future expecting that circumstances will not change significantly. There are key words in the above such as 'emotionally' and 'circumstances' that give clues of where the notion of 'normal' fails in life.

Circumstances and emotions are forever changing and cannot be predicted with any certainty. So, why would we expect them to remain the same over any length of time?

There is a sense of security when we can predict our future. No doubt that comes from a desire to control something in the future that we feel we control today.

So far, 'normal' means there is a desire to predict the future and a desire to control the present.

The other side of 'normal' is an act of acceptance. When we feel things are normal, there is an implicit acceptance of the way things are. There is a sense of comfort or being 'at rest' during times of normalcy. The acceptance and comfort emerges from having learned how to act and what to do under 'normal' circumstances. The circumstances may be very pleasurable or painful but the word 'normal' is applied to indicate our understanding and acceptance of the way things currently are.

So, in addition to 'normal' including prediction and control as behavioral actions, there is a secure emotional acceptance included as well.

What happens when the unexpected occurs? What happens when we feel that things are not normal?

When our understanding of 'normal' fails, we loose prediction, control and the stability of emotional acceptance. What typically happens is the core of the problem of the notion of 'normal'. What we most often do is 'put our life on hold' while we try to change the circumstances or while we wait until the circumstances to get back to what we know as 'normal'.

But, what if circumstances do not or cannot be changed? What follows is a period of discomfort or pain until we learn how to deal with the new current circumstances and learn what the implications are of the future so we can, again, accurately predict.

The problem with a typical reaction is that it is just that ... a reaction. It is a period of dismay, confusion, possible depression, anger and the rest of how we react to things that are not comfortable or controllable. This type of reaction makes responding disorganized, counterproductive and most importantly emotionally draining for us and those around us. If the circumstances are an illness, the emotional drain will suppress the immune system to further complicate things by compromising our ability to get well or fight the disease.

So, what is the alternative?

The idea of a 'variable normal' is to perceive and treat changes as a new normal as of that day, hour or moment. It is the idea of living life by the moment but includes much more.

A 'variable normal' includes an expectation that we will immediately attempt to understand the full implications of the changes and proceed at once to learn how to deal with the new circumstances.

The key to a 'variable normal' is to treat new circumstances as an acceptable, manageable state. This puts us back in control as we go about learning how to deal with new circumstances and integrate them into our lives.

Perhaps the most difficult part of change is the unknown. We cannot possibly know what will occur as a result of change. The irony is that what will occur can never be known but the failure of the notion of normal implies that we can know.

This presents two huge hurdles to clear. One is to treat discomfort and/or pain as an acceptable and manageable state and the other is the ability to live a full life in the midst of holding the unknown in our consciousness.

It seems counter to everything that we have learned to treat discomfort and/or pain as an acceptable and manageable state. However, the opposite response would only be debilitating and increase the discomfort and pain. The idea of acceptance here is not necessarily to 'tolerate' but to see change as a part of life that has happened, is happening and will happen. This avoids denial and moves us into the managing state.

Acceptance not only avoids denial but also diminishes the negative impact on emotions and reduces the psychological trauma on the body.

Another dynamic of this that helps us is that as we accept things as a part of life and reconsider how to handle new circumstances it not only leads more quickly to being back in control but also gives us confidence in handling future changes because we are expecting them.

'Variable normal' means that we are constantly monitoring circumstances for changes that we know will occur and to treat those changes as a normal part of life. Furthermore, we will accept the changes as normal and thoughtfully sort out what we can manage and what will be the unknown that we must hold in our consciousness until the unknown reveals itself at which time can be managed.

There have been a lot of references to 'managing' changes. It is probably more important to see management of changes as an act of emotion than it is an act of behavior. This is why acceptance is so important. Acceptance goes hand-in-hand with an optimum emotional state. There is just as much, if not more, personal control associated with emotion than there is associated with circumstantial resolution. The fact is we 'feel' in control or not. Control is an emotional state before it manifests itself in physical change.

Accepting 'normal' as a fluid variable part of life prepares us to live life to the fullest at all times as we become clearly aware of the changing circumstances of our life and feel confident in responding to them.

This Moment

This is about my response to my body and the world around me. This is about being aware and present to all things. This is about personal choice.

There is a wave of awareness and emotion that is in constant motion over time. The wave goes up and down and sometimes it is flat for awhile. At its highest, I am euphoric. At its lowest, I am in gut wrenching despair. Sometimes it goes higher than ever before or lower than ever before setting new personal records.

Sometimes the wave is heavily influenced by physical conditions of my body or with my circumstances. However, the vast majority of time, I am not aware of my body nor am I aware of the circumstances in which I find myself. Most of the time, I am focused on some mental plan or task or just relaxing. Rarely am I aware of the wave.

There is a way of being present and in the moment that defies the meaning of the wave. Consider a line that is tangent to the curve of the wave. The line would determine the slope of the wave at any given moment in time. However, consider the fact that, the point at which the line touches the wave is only one point. That is a point in time. That point does not have a slope to it. That point is merely a fixed moment in time. That point is not relevant to the wave or slope. It is as if, once the point is defined by the line, the wave and line disappear and all that is left is a point. It is a point of presence. It is a point of awareness. And, at that point, since it is fixed, it is not going up or down nor is it relevant to where it is on the wave.

Now consider the current point in time. Forget history or future. Concentrate on just this moment in time. Am I happy or sad? Are the circumstances good or bad? There is no way of telling what I ‘should’ be feeling or experiencing if I am not aware of where, on the wave, I am. Since there is no way of telling what emotions I would normally be having, there is an opportunity to choose the emotions for this moment in time.

There is a sense of complete and utter freedom when being present to only this point of time. If there are no critical physical influences, internal or external, then the choice of emotion is open for this moment of time. I can choose to be aware of positive things that exist in this moment in time or I can choose to be aware of negative things that exist in this moment in time.

If I choose to be aware of positive things, I will be happy in this moment of time. I may even feel joy just because I have the choice. The opposite is also true.

When I look at others, I see people that are happy by nature and I see people that are unhappy by nature.

The difference is the choice they are making in this moment in time.

Awareness

It’s a double date sometime in October of 1960. Sue and I are in the back. Skip is driving and Gloria is his blind date. I work with Skip and had lined him up with Gloria. Skip is impressed because Gloria is beautiful. We are returning home from the cities and just finishing up the French Fries.

I am slouched down and hear some dialog from Skip and Gloria. The car slows down and I see a big highway blockade glide by. The new second lane of the freeway is due to open tomorrow so I guess Skip is going to try it out. A few minutes later Sue complains to me that we are going too fast. I’m not really aware of the speed because of being slouched down so just shrug my shoulders. I don’t want to be a wimp by telling Skip to slow down.
_________________________

It’s like coming out of a fog. Or, possibly I am dreaming. I am cold and feel uncomfortable. I am lying on freeway pavement and there is a commotion going on around me. There are several people moving about and there is a highway patrol officer as well. There is an urge to try and determine what is going on but there is also an urge to wake up from the dream or move on to a different dream.

My dad’s face came out of nowhere descending down to mine. “Was there any alcohol?” he whispers in my ear. “No.” I reply.

This is real. This is happening. What is going on?

I lift my head to look around and see men talking and then I notice a big lump just below my left hip. I see steam rising from a mass of twisted metal embedded into a huge oil tanker. My eyes follow the mass of metal back to the roof and then the trunk of a car. Think. This is a car accident. Where are the others?

Had I lost my left leg that I couldn’t see beyond the lump?

A highway police officer leans down and says, “We need to put a splint on your leg but first we need to straighten it out.” Straighten it out? What does that mean? Two men kneel down to take hold of my arms. My right arm screamed with pain. “Hey, that arm is broken.” I say. I still cannot put it all together. “Are you ready?” the officer says to the two men holding me. I feel a tugging on my left leg and I scream from the pain. “Let’s try it again.” he says. I am in so much pain that the words mean nothing. There is another tug and I scream again. Now the pain is almost constant. “One more time.” he says. I feel a strong jerk …
_________________________

The roof of an ambulance comes into focus and I feel the movement.
_________________________

I become aware of some pulling on my forehead. It looks like a hospital hall and a doctor is stitching up my forehead. I hear conversation about arriving late to the hospital because I was the only one conscious at the scene so they took the other three first.

The quiet is interrupted occasionally by urgent sounding talk and sounds from a room close by. They must be working on the others.

Then, there is talk about transferring me to Farmington.
_________________________

The roof of the ambulance fades in and out as I rock from side to side with the movement of the ambulance.
_________________________

I feel and hear the rumble of railroad tracks.
_________________________

I am jolted as they pull me out of the ambulance. I see covered neon lights glide by on the hallway ceiling. I hear the voice of my mother running behind saying, “Bill, Gloria died.” I hear the words … I understand their meaning … but nothing registers.

I see large overhead round lights. It must be an operating room.
_________________________

I have a sense of drowning. There is saliva in my mouth that I cannot swallow that feels like it is sliding into my lungs. My breaths get shorter to keep it all in my mouth. I manage utter, “I’m drowning.” I hear laughter about what I said. A few seconds later I hear, “Please move away from the bed.” and I feel the saliva being suctioned out of my mouth.
_________________________

Light from the hallway makes the room dimly lit. I see my mother sleeping in the corner. My left thigh muscles spasm wildly and I feel bones knocking into one another (the left femur has been fractured in two places) and the pain is beyond description as I scream at the top of my lungs. A nurse rushes in and mutters some words as she pushes a syringe in my left arm. Within a few seconds I feel a wave of relaxation. The pain is gone.
_________________________

The muscles spasm and I blast into consciousness with a long scream of pain. The nurse comes in and explains that it was only an hour ago that I had a shot of demoral and she cannot give me another shot for two more hours. The horror of that registers as she leaves. I am not aware of the time between spasms but when it happens I can only scream in pain. After awhile, my mother tells me to be quiet. I try but can’t. A little later mom gets really irritated and tells me to just shut up. I muffle the screams in the pillow after that.

It is getting lighter out my window when the nurse comes in and says it is time for another shot. After she leaves I try to stay conscious as long as possible to rest without pain or spasms.
_________________________

I wake up in excruciating pain. The nurse comes in and says that it is only an hour and a half before the next shot. “Only an hour and a half.” I cannot imagine “Only an hour and a half.”

There is a dull hard pain constantly now between the spasms. I can’t move much because of the cast on my arm and the tubes and stuff connected to me. But I can look out the window. I choose something to concentrate on and then look back at the clock and it seams like no time has past. This time I force myself to concentrate on something out the window for a very long time … it must be at least 20 minutes. I look back at the clock and 2 minutes have past.

This becomes routine between shots for days while the spasms subside.

Then one day they come in and say that my leg is stable enough to put me in traction. There are the big round spot lights again.
_________________________

I come out of the fog seeing the covers hanging on a wire that goes up to a pulley and down to a weight. The dull pain is much worse.

Three months later I am discharged with a full body cast from the rib cage down to the toes of my left leg. I am maneuvered into the car. Dad starts the car and I feel movement of the car and break out in a profuse cold sweat.
_________________________

Two months pass and I am sleeping. I wake up and remember. I am in the back seat and see and hear steam. I am trapped under something. I push it aside and realize that it is a body but block that thought out of my mind. Bits and pieces of memory come back over time.
_________________________

We had been traveling over 75 mph with the lights out when we hit a parked oil tanker. Skip had turned the lights out because it was still a closed section of freeway and he didn’t want to be seen by the police.

I didn’t know Skip that well and it turned out that he had a record of some misdemeanors. He was given the choice of manslaughter or military service. He joined the Air Force.

Sue was dead on arrival but they brought her back with injections and life support procedures. She seemed a little different after the accident. Maybe we were all a little different after the accident.

The wreckage of the car was put on display in downtown Minneapolis.

Sometimes I wonder why I am still alive.

And then there are thoughts about Gloria.

971

254 turned right, spun its wheels on the slick surface and rolled gently into the ‘fueling station’ corner where a shooter was waiting to fill its hopper with 8 inch balls. It was a magnificent autonomous robot maneuver because all the rest of the robots started with only seven balls in their hoppers (if they had a hopper.) But that sort of advanced programming was expected of 254. After all, it was sponsored by NASA and the team was from Bellarmine College Preparatory.

971 immediately slid into a tight continuous circle. This was new. In earlier rounds, 971 had advanced directly forward like the rest. However, this had exposed its trailer to an opposing shooter. So, in the 15 second autonomous period, the opposing shooter landed several balls into its trailer. During a break, when other teams were competing, 971’s team had reprogrammed the robot to spin in a tight circle during the first 15 seconds so that its trailer was an impossible target for an opposing shooter. It was clear that 971 would be a formidable team.

The other 4 robots of this round advanced straight ahead and collided with one another in the center of the 27 by 54 foot hard white plastic playing field. This straight ahead movement was the same for all accept 254 and 971. There was an immediate chaos as the four mindless robots pushed and shoved against one another randomly. All the while, shooters from outside the playing field threw balls into the undulating mess trying to land one in an opposing trailer.

That’s the way the first 15 seconds started with each round of the Silicon Valley Regional Robotics competition held at San Jose State University Event Center.

Months earlier, the management of the robotics competition had sent out the specification limits and the objective of the competition to hundreds of teams across the country. The specifications were few. The robot could not exceed 5 feet tall with a base that could not exceed 28 by 38 inches. 971 chose to configure the front wide (38) instead of narrow which gave them an advantage of not only unloading more payload faster but also made the robot stable when hit from the side.

The weight of the robot could not exceed 120 pounds. However the wheels were special. They had to meet exact specifications. The creators of this national competition wanted the wheels and the surface of the playing field to generate friction that would be the same as if the competition were being held on the surface of the moon.

So far so good except for one catch. The robot had to be built from scratch. Every part of the robot had to be drawn using specially provided CAD (Computer Aided Design) software. These designs would then be sent to a participating manufacturing company, who would create the part and send it back to the team. And, of course, the overall design and functionality would be unique to each team. So, the team would not only compete with a robot, but would have to design and build it first.

There were strict rules about building the robot. There were adult ‘mentors’ who would oversee the construction however, the mentors could not make suggestions. They could only answer questions. The design and functionality had to be the sole responsibility of the teen-agers on the team.

The objective was simple. Each robot would have a trailer provided by the management. The objective for the robot was to scoop up balls off the floor and deposit the balls into an opposing team’s trailer. There would be an alliance of 3 robots competing against an alliance of 3 other robots in each round. After each round, the balls in the trailers were counted and the alliance who had the fewest balls in their trailer won that round.

The objective may have been simple but the competition was complex because of the forming of alliances. There was a predetermined roster listing which 3 teams would form an alliance (red or blue trailers) of each round. And, since 3 teams were working as an alliance, there was the opportunity to form an alliance strategy. However, this strategy had to be worked out minutes before the round because the 48 teams were too many to plan too far ahead.

Now the picture expands. The alliances were positioned on opposing sides of the playing field. The rules allowed 3 persons to control a single robot. The best utilization of 3 players on a team was where one would ‘drive’ the robot, one would control the loading and shooting and one would watch the overall playing field and shout information about threats or opportunities not only to the team members but also other teams in the alliance.

However, before the shouting started, there would be a 15 second period when power was turned on but the teams had to stand behind a line and watch what their robot did with that period autonomously. The robot had to move but how it moved was dependent on what it was programmed to do for during that 15 second period.

Once the autonomous period was over, the teams could step forward and take control of the robot with maneuvering devices on a wireless control panel that they had built.

There were two days of competition. The first day of qualifications resulted in a list in order of who scored highest to lowest. The highest score then had the opportunity to invite another team to join their permanent alliance for the final day of eliminations. After the highest scoring team made a choice then the lowest scoring team made a choice. This continued from both ends until there were 3 teams in each alliance.

After the first day of competition, 971 was undefeated. 254 had lost one competition. Since 971 had the highest score and could make the first invitation, they, of course, invited 254 to join their alliance. That was an impressive pair. The third member of their alliance could only be chosen much later. 852 would complete the alliance.

The final day was intense and loud. The arena was packed both days. It was not a foregone conclusion that the 971-254-852 alliance would win. Anything could happen and anything could break.

In the end, however, the 971-254-852 alliance did win the competition. 971 will be heading to the national finals in Atlanta, Georgia next month.

My grandson, Scott Bahl, 14, was chosen as a controller on team 971. It was an honor for him to be chosen in his first year of competition and as a freshman.

Do I sound like a grandparent?

Beware of retirement

The picture of retirement is one of leisure. There is sleeping late, puttering around, taking walks and generally moving along at a slow and uncomplicated pace. So, after three years of retirement, why am I so busy that making a list of things that must get done sounds daunting.

The desk is often cluttered for weeks before little spaces of desk surface appear.

The barn (a 320 sq. ft. storage area under the house) is so messy that the method of putting something in the barn is to open the door and throw. At times, it is necessary to throw hard. The barn gets de-cluttered when it is impossible to navigate to what is needed.

Then, there are the ‘desk’ projects. They can vary from shuffling papers to browsing on the Internet. Notice that neither of those descriptions implies work or productivity. That’s a big problem. But, mindless playing offers two benefits. Work can be put off and there is a sense of productivity when there is absolutely none taking place. Actually, there is a fail-safe system of getting things done. The to-do list becomes a must-do list at which time playing stops and the most minimal work takes place like paying bills.

There are usually a number of items on the desk that require action. That’s when browsing Internet comes in … as in don’t look at the desk. Occasionally, the desk must be scanned for things that have moved from to-do to must-do. Usually, that scan can be done as little as once a week.

Then, there is the ‘pile’. That is a pile of papers on the desk that never goes away. It only grows and shrinks. It is odd that it never completely goes away. The pile can grow to a height of a foot or more. It is presumed that there is nothing critical in the pile. That defines what gets scattered on the desk … they stay off the pile until they are paid or processed in some way that generates something to be mailed or, worse, requires being fully present. Sometimes the pile gets thick objects in it like a pamphlet or bulky envelope. They take the highest priority because they have the biggest impact on lowering the size of the pile. And, it is impossible to ‘neaten’ the pile (for company) with bulky items in it.

Of course, there are other things that are not on the desk that will eventually need to be done. Those are usually building or maintenance tasks. Those items get done when it is utterly impossible to avoid them. Either someone else keeps pointing them out or it get so tiring to think about them that it forces surrendering to action.

It seems like there is absolutely no time to actually do things that need to get done. There is a cause for this. Somehow, when there is a job to go to, it is easier to get things done at home because it is a different environment. And, it also seems easier because work at the job was either challenging or boring. Either way, tasks at home are small compared to ‘real’ work at the job. So, a job causes all of those desk items to get done and the pile is rarely over a few inches.

The cause for being so busy comes from committing to repetitive tasks or projects. First of all, everyone who knows your retired will ask for help. Then there is filling day over time. Slowly, without noticing, the days get filled, Tasks and commitments are agreed to. This happens until the days are completely full … hence totally busy. Of course, the tasks that are taken on are much more fun than the desk. So, there is a little denial taking place as the days and weeks are filled with ‘more interesting’ activities.

A list is then required to keep track of the desk items and other projects when the threshold of totally-busy takes place. But, the list is avoided at all costs because it requires at least an awareness of what ‘should’ be done. This avoidance is required because there is no time to do items on a list because the totally-busy syndrome is fully engaged.

The situation eventually becomes critical. Even then, the notion of critical varies. A very big pile, for example, can lower the value of ‘critical’ because the higher the pile gets the less appealing it is to do hence just lower the value of ‘critical’ so it doesn’t need to be done. In the end, when denial fails, the word ‘consequences’ comes to mind. That’s a killer word. It suggests do it now or suffer great pain.

So, there you have it. It is the anatomy of one profile of retirement. It sounds pretty bad but there is always the get-away option. There are certainly different protocols of retirement that could be followed. And, there are many ways of managing the time. One picture of retirement that is becoming very popular very fast is to not retire. Hmmmm. Is that an oxymoron. It suggests that one does not retire so that there is time to do things.

There has to be a better way.